She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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