her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
