that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
