I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
