I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
