last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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