South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
