i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
