i was born a porn star she said
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
