i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
