She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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