We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
