did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
