she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
