According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's like heaven, but drunker
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
