I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this beer tastes like vomit already
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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