We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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