and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize