my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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