Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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