He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
