Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
