So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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