Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
