I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
