if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you would pick up someone in the library
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
