do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
