The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
