i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
