then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
