It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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