I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
