Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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