As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
