You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
