The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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