am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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