I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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