I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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