how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How does one acquire holy water?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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