If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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