drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
