Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
