remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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