it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im six kinds of drunk right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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