i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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