Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
