omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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