return my video game
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
