was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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