i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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