omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
