i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize