i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
