i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
