forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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