Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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