just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
