I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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