I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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