tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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