Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
