Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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