I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
