Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just got carded by a ten year old.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
