Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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