He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
