Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
