Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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