I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
