I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
