Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
