Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
