My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
