tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
