I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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