i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
