wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
