My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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