the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
