i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize