I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
